Steve Jobs was focused and determined. He had drive and dedication.
Steve never made excuses and kept his eye on the details so that, as much as possible, everything that Apple released (and continues to release) works and is just right.
I am no Steve Jobs.
I lack focus. I am so all over the place that I never finish what I started. I am full of ideas and ideals – be a writer! Be an editor! Be the best of the best except the work to get there never gets done. My mind gets distracted and the hours I would need to put in become too onerous. I need my sleep, I need to relax, I need to do something else until I need to stop doing that too. I am so busy coming up with the ideas and then making excuses why I can’t do what I dream, that I have no time to achieve my goals.
I need to channel Steve. I need is some discipline. Some determination.
Right now I’m disappointed in the results I’m getting in my first semester of uni but really, I have no right to be disappointed. I’m not putting in the work. I’m putting in just enough to get by and that’s it. So what right do I have to expect anything more? None. It’s as if I feel like I deserve to get top marks by osmosis.
But if I’m honest with myself, this is how I get through life. By doing just enough to make people think I’m doing an amazing job. I should be ashamed when people thank me for the work I’m doing. I procrastinate. I avoid. I get distracted. I jump on Facebook and then check out The Age and any other website I can think of before I actually start work.
I say I want to write but I don’t do it because actually writing would entail getting up early or staying up late and I need my sleep don’t you know. I say I want to lose weight and exercise more but again, that would entail actually putting in the effort and I apparently don’t have the wherewithal to actually do that.
Right now, right this moment, I disgust myself. Yeah, I’m being harsh but honest. I disappoint myself.
So I need to change that. Obviously changing 31 years of habit is not going to be easy. I’ve made grand sweeping statements about change and determination before and that’s gotten me nowhere fast so this time, it’s about small things. My assignment is finished for today and before I submit it this afternoon, I’m going to proofread it again over lunch. I’m leaving work early to submit it and once that’s done, I’m going to make a start on the next assignment before class. I have my laptop, I have my phone to use as a hotspot and I can set up anywhere around uni to work. No more excuses.
I’d like to redo my work area and make it more “me” even though I know that sounds like more procrastination really. For the next month, I need to focus on my assignments. Minimal socialising and maximum assignment work. Every night, do a little more. Be focused. Be determined. Start what I finish. Stop putting in just enough to get by and start being a star.
I know I’m in a funk. I’m tired, I’m jetlagged and I’m overwhelmed with the day. The first day back in routine after a lovely holiday is never your best day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe I won’t feel so angsty but right now, I’m pissed off enough to want to make some changes.
Steve Jobs didn’t become the creative genius that he was by doing just enough to get by. I’m no Steve Jobs and I don’t expect to be but dammit, I can be more than I am right now.