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To know you is to love you

Topic #189:

Is it possible to know someone too well? If that’s true, why do we typically have the goal of always trying to get to know people better?

I think it’s possible to think you know someone too well. You may think that you know your boss too well, to be able to predict what he’ll think of an idea or proposal such that you don’t even propose it because, well, what’s the point if you already know his response? You could break up with a partner because you think you know them so well that you have entire conversations and arguments in your head, to the point where you no longer see a point in actually talking to them directly.

But I don’t think you ever know anyone completely. Not even your partner. There are always secrets and hidden aspects to people and there should be. It makes things interesting and keeps you engaged. You may think that you know what makes your boss tick, but one day, they may surprise you. Something in that idea that you doubt they’ll go for may hit a note that you have no idea about and suddenly, you have the go-ahead. Shock! Horror!

I think that if you get to a point where you think you know absolutely everything about someone, the relationship loses its lustre, be it a friend or a lover. You no longer need to engage them in a discussion about politics or news or the latest movies because you know exactly what they’ll say, down to the words they’ll choose. What’s the point in engaging them in anything if there’s no mystery to what they’ll say or do? I have a friend like that, where I feel as if I know what she’s thinking and going to do to such an extent that I don’t engage fully with her anymore because what’s the point if I’ve already had the whole argument in my head? The friendship is not long for this world if I continue on like this.

But on the other hand, I don’t think it’s actually possible to know someone too well. This friend? Keeps surprising me, in good and bad ways. Unless I open my mind, she won’t be able to do that. If I assume that I know her inside and out, I’ll miss out on the more interesting aspects of her personality, aspects that grow and change all the time.

I know that I don’t know my husband completely. I know a lot about him but I have a lot to learn. Because he is constantly evolving and learning and growing. And that’s what makes him so interesting, that’s why I want to keep getting to know him better because there’s always something more to know.



Writer, editor, wife, mother. I snatch moments to myself to read between nappy changes, work and chasing a toddler who is determined to destroy ALL THE THINGS. Welcome.

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