Posted in Daily post

Topic #181: Boundaries

The question on today’s Daily Post is simple:

How do you know where your boundaries are? We all have limits for what we are willing to try, or do, but how do you know that you haven’t gone far enough? Or when you go too far?

I think this is something I struggle with. I have two sets of boundaries – the boundaries I set myself and my real boundaries.

How are they different?

I have a massive fear of failure – something I’m sure many people face every day. Growing up, I was the good girl, the clever girl, the one who aced her exams and picked things up quickly. So I grew familiar with success and avoided that F word as much as possible. The only thing I wasn’t all that successful in was sport and that was easy enough to avoid.

But generally, one doesn’t go through life with only success and, as I grew up, I found that I wasn’t brilliant at everything. In Grade 9, I added Science to my list of Things to Avoid, thanks to a terrible teacher, and it became that Thing I Sucked At and part of who I was. In Grade 11, I added Math to that list and again, I made it part of me and laughed about it. I was the girl who sucked at math and science and sport. Instead of trying to overcome those “failures”, I embraced them to make them hurt less. I put up boundaries and let them grow. It was easier to avoid the things I failed at than to make them work for me.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to renegotiate those boundaries. To make them more realistic. I tried joining a Beach Volleyball team to see if I really sucked at team sports and I do. That’s okay. But I push myself more at the gym than I ever thought I would. I’m learning to recognise the signs of when I’m at my limits versus when I have thatlittlemuch more to go.

And I’m learning that failure is not a bad thing. It makes you stronger, pushes your boundaries out there and sometimes, it hurts. But if you can get up again, you can push a bit more everytime.

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Author:

Writer, editor, wife, mother. I snatch moments to myself to read between nappy changes, work and chasing a toddler who is determined to destroy ALL THE THINGS. Welcome.

One thought on “Topic #181: Boundaries

  1. Okay, so, clearly I’m doing some catch up reading at the moment.

    I’m massively afraid of failure too. From the sound of it you and I were similar at school (right down to sucking at sport). I never wanted to let anyone down and felt guilty if I did. Now, unfortunately, in my working life I have the same issue. I am so afraid of failure that I push myself to extremes and collapse in a heap. Totally unwarranted and irrational pressure on myself. Gah. Hate it.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂

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